Your body paragraphs show a discussion essay not an opinion essay. What is your opinion? A balanced view doesn’t mean you agree with both sides. In fact you have more arguments against the use of mobile phones than for the use of them. You state in your essay “Let me clarify why cell phones should be prohibited in public areas.” – is this your view? This statement says that you believe they should be prohibited but other paragraphs say the opposite. You can’t put contrasting opinions in an opinion essay. Have a clear view and make sure that every sentence concurs with that opinion.
this is my essay, could you give me some comment to improve it, many thanks!
Some people believe that using cell phones in the public areas can cause plenty of disadvantages and therefore should not be allowed, I disagree with this view because of a couple of reasons.
Firstly, mobile phones are muti-functional devices with various vital functions. Together with the development of technology, a cell phone can be a smart storage device with hundreds of pictures, videos or thousands of e-books. Nowaday cell phone holders can search information for work, or relax by watching films and listening to music whenever and wherever they wish. Futhermore, using applications on a cell phone could help you find the way to any place without being lost , even find hotels or restaurant when you travel.
Secondly, mobile phones are useful in emergency situations. 5 years ago, when I was going out with my friends, I had a serious car accident. I was faint away for a long time. My friends had no way but using my cell phone to contact with my family and called for the ambulance. It is clear that mobile phone could be a helpful and valuable device not only in the road casuaties but in other difficult circumstances such as fires , crimes.
To sum up, with the above mentioned functions, I believe that people should have the right to be free in using their phones in public places.
hi Liz, please check my writing, i am a beginner here.
My target is 6,5.
Please tell me how can i get it? thanks in advance.
here my essay:
it is true that mobiles(cell) phones should be prohibited in general places such a libraries and shop and on public transport. I completely agree with this idea because of some the following reasons.
The use of mobile phones in public places have become rampant over recent decades. Although some people believe that using cell phones in public places should be prohibited, I do not agree that it should be for several reasons which will be discussed in this essay.
The use of mobile phones in public places has become rampant over recent decades. Although some people believe that cell phone usage in public places should be prohibited, I do not agree that it should be for several reasons which will be discussed in this essay.
Thus, unrestricted use of cell phones can lead to moral degradation of the students.
» Ill-effects on Health
Prolonged usage of cell phones can have ill effects on the health of the kids.
In today's society our technology is more advanced than ever before. So far advanced is our society, that we can easily use cell phones to speak to anyone, anywhere and at any time. For example, we can use cell phones while driving, or speak to someone in another country. We can use them in the business world to conduct meetings or to rely vital information to co-workers or to conduct trade with other businesses. Today's American culture relies heavily on the use of cell phones. The recent growth of cellular telephone usage is a phenomena that defies all gender, racial, and age boundaries. Cell phones are more than just the latest electronic gadget on the market. They are essential parts of our business and personal lives. Cell phones are used to schedule appointments, fax, e-mail, call for assistance, report emergencies and keep in contact with loved ones and friends. Driving while using a cell phone is very common and proves a major threat to people's lives on the road. Cell phones must be banned while driving; however, I also agree that cell phones are beneficial for communication and for gaining help in emergencies. In the public and legislative arenas, as well as in the media, there have been concerns about the safety of using a cell phone while driving for quite some time now. This will be discussed in further detail below. Studies have proven that conversations, whether significant or non-significant, can be a distraction to someone who is driving. Therefore driving while using a cell phone can be dangerous and a threat to one's driving ability. In 1994, there were 16 million cell-phone users in the United States alone, as of July 17, 2001, there were more than 118 million (Cell Phone Safety Advocates). According to telecommunications studies, approximately 90 million people subscribe t
The use of mobile phones in public places has become rampant over recent decades. Some people are of the opinion that mobile phone usage in public places should be banned. In my opinion, I strongly disagree that public usage of mobile phones should be banned for several reasons which will be discussed in this essay.
These days, it is common to find people using cell phones in various public places such as, markets, banks and reading rooms. In my opinion, I strongly believe public use of phones should be banned owing to several reasons which shall be discussed in this essay.
Firstly, it constitutes a form of public disturbance. The use of mobile phones generates noise in public places since you have various people talking at various voice pitches. This noise most often is unbearable to people who are present in these places. They are distracted by this noise which often limits people’s activities whenever they need to engage in certain activities for instance, reading in a library. Noise is highly intrusive and is often a nuisance to most people.
Furthermore, it is a potential health hazard. The generation of noise and radiation from the use of cell phones is seen as being harmful to health. Noise is known to be a form of pollution which is harmful to the human ear. There is a certain level of noise the human ear can adapt to. This level is exceeded by the use of mobile phones in public places as confirmed by medical experts. In addition, the generation of radiation by the use of cell phones also causes various cancers according to medical experts. This radiation is high when exposure to mobile phone radiations is more as seen in unrestricted use of mobile phones in public places.
In conclusion, the use of cell phones should be highly restricted in public places so as to prevent its potential health hazard to people who are not aware of the harm. Failure to do this may cause a burden on the populace and the government when diseases emerge because of this.
Due to the rapid widespread of cell phones and the dazzling improvements that have overwhelmed this sophisticated industry, cell phones have become the norm to see everywhere rather than the exception. This has resulted in an exacerbated use of mobiles and has consequently urged many people to call for halting their use in public places such as malls, reading rooms and public transport means. Personally , although I critic the excessive use of cell phones in such places , I believe that they shouldn’t be entirely banned for some reasons which I intent to advocate in this essay . Here , I recommend that cell phones are to be used only in ultimate emergencies .